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[31 Jul 2004|12:27am] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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broken - seether ft amy lee (adam let me steal his cd) |
] |
ive been working a lot either chi-pot-hole or babysitting. not bad money... the babysitting i mean.
i opened a bank account.
i fucked up my car. heres the things that have gone wrong with my car in the past 2 days.
1. bubble in back right tire... *twin and i took out a curb*
2. brakes
3. windshield wipers.
4. center console lid tore off... and its metal.
things wrong in general that i didnt do.
1. cracked windshield.
2. fucking horrible cd player which i will smash when the new one is put in.
ben and i ventured to lakewood the night before last and hung with jeremiah til almost 1:00.
twin and i took a 1 1/2 shopping spree... i swear her and i will live together.
had deep coffee talk with shitty.... which mind you was much needed. weve come to understandings with our past... i suppose you could say.
he said i taught him a life long lesson and i said "im just sorry im the one who had to get hurt for you to learn it."
hung with marty and gasper last night. that was neat. steve said he could get me 4 new tires for $150... i was very excited.
this morning adam and i went to best for less car audio and hhgregg to price stereos for the shit mobile o i mean my car.
then he made an appt to get his subs and amp put in.... so im taking him tomorrow.
today ben, crimson and i went to see the village... it sucked.
then shannon and i went to parma town where we met with marty and gasper, then the 3 of us went to tevins. and hung there, then went to dennys and took marty and gasper to martys, took shannon home, then tevy.
now im home.
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[25 Jul 2004|07:45pm] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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music |
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only one - yellowcard |
] |
no matter how strong i make myself, no matter how hard i try... no matter how many times im hurt... he can always make me cry!
thanks dad.
its been awhile since an update. quick run-through...
tues first day back alive from surgery went out for a little while... mom made me come home.
wedwent to cleveland, then lakewood, went to carnival with twin, drove shannons bro home, picked up brae and marie, then twin from carnival and back to lakewood.
thurs carnival... slept over twins.
friday warped tour... it had its ups and downs... but all in all rocked.
saturday worked 9 am - 4:30 pm. then to carnival with twin then worked 9:50pm - 1:30 am. damn chipotle... what a way to make a living.
sun woke up late got to work around 9:50... worked til 4:30 pm. came home showered went and got my parents dinner cleaned my room had my dad freak and say i couldnt go to see lance and jeremiah play tonight at peabodys and now... im sulking and crying.
"SO HERE I GO... SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT AND TRY TO GET TO YOU."
Funny how you can hate someone so much... then seeing them and having them do one nice thing makes all the things you know they are and know you hate... all of a sudden... lovable. fuck love.
<3
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[20 Jul 2004|07:52am] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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if you could only see - tonic |
] |
so im doing better today. im still kind of swollen but i stopped taking the medicine that makes me drowsy so i can drive today!
michelle and kerry came over last night and watched movies... then we left for blockbuster... and michelle took twin home.
michelle and i went to blockbuster and rented The Perfect Score and The Butterfly Effect. then we went to her house and her mom gave me a card. woot.
we came back her she slept over. missy came over sometime around 3:00 we talked for awhile then she mentioned being tired and she took off. i finished watching daria and went to bed.
woke up at 7:00 In a lot of pain cos the meds had warn off. eep *holds mouth in pain*
im gonna go and dye my hair. cos... well... just cos.
<3
drea
"why i feel this way about our love...
and what i must do.
if u could only see how blue her eyes can be
when she says...
she loves me!"
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[19 Jul 2004|05:34pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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watching Boy Meets World |
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so yesterday (sunday) was horrible. i was in a ton and a half of pain.
so i didnt go to the concert with brae (sorry honey... i was really looking forward to go with)
well today isnt much better, missy came over for a bit, but the drugs made me sleepy. so i ended up falling in and out of sleep.
she gave me the $20 she owed me then i talked her into going to warped tour with me and she handed me $40 to get her ticket.
i told my mom that if im not okay for warped by friday... then shes paying for me to go to another city to see them.
Hell ill drive and sleep in my car as long as she pays for gas.
I HATE SURGERY.
<3
"With starving appetites for arguments
you remind me of a secret
I was never supposed to tell"
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[18 Jul 2004|01:36am] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
] |
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music |
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watching I love the 90's |
] |
i find it funny how easily people just say fuck off to you when you cant supply them with rides or money for 2 days.
the people i heard from today were
bt, jeremiah, and michelle.
people who promised to come over but didnt...
missy, twin, kt...
they didnt even call. its okay. im just sad and alone... and want my life back.
Sincerely,
swollen and bloody.
to break her heart and tear her clothes
to feel alive young and terrified
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[16 Jul 2004|09:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sore |
] |
| [ |
music |
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watching Tuck Everlasting |
] |
wednesday night i snuck out with missy around 2:30 til almost 4:00.
woke up yesterday to kyle crawling in my bed saying good morning wife.
hes such a kidder. i love him for it though.
cleaned the kitchen and part of my room, then to twins for a moment. where we stopped at the sheibs to see jason, chris, and missy.
came home got ready for work, and left.
worked til 12:35ish and took Josh home.
came home and couldnt sleep so around 3:00 am i called missy and she picked me up... again. stayed out with her for about 40 minutes.
came home and finally slept.
went to the dentist at 8:00 to get my wisdom teeth removed. eep. i dont remember much. i got the iv put in and the doctor pumped some drugs into my arm and said have a smooth ride baby.
i guess i attempted to take the finger pulse keeper off and they had to keep taping it.
im sore now. i got 4 movies (the crow, thirteen, eurotrip and how to deal), some pudding, some ice cream, some mac n cheese, and tuna salad.
michelle came over and brought me flowers, then twin and katie came over... katie left but missy is coming over so twin is still here.
woot.
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[15 Jul 2004|01:37am] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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if you could only see - tonic |
] |
so i slept at the twins last night.. okay so there was no sleeping involved. we chilled laughed a lot.
around 3:30 we decided we were hungry and made mac n cheese in which we ate out of the pan with 2 spoons. woot. while watching Honey. Not a bad movie.
her mom came down sometime after 5 and we went upstairs.
at 5:30 maybe 6:00 we left for dennys. everyone there probably thought we were high as hell. really it was just lack of sleep... for a lack of better terms.
we went to my house around 7:30 and tried to fight the sleep but it happened anyway. slept til 3:30.
ate some food... took a shower and twin and i ventured to lakewood to see jeremiah. which was way fun.
then we headed to oakview to see missy. oh and ummm yea she was discharged and didnt bother to call. wtf!!!!
i got in my car and called her cell leaving her a message something like
"hey its andrea.. kerry and i are outside of oakview... we came to see you... but u were released? and didnt call? yea call me later!"
called her house and her mom said "shes at work"
OH OKAY WTF!!
im angry. im tempted to call her at 2:00 when she gets off work and have her stop over. in fact im calling right now.
then twin and i went to mcdonalds... not the drive-thru we actually went inside. SCUUUURY SHIT. ate double cheeseburgers and an m&m mcflurry. Mmm.
BT called it made me smile... so twin and i went to the shop. where twin fell asleep in bts new truck and he took me for a drive in it. very nice. woot.
left at 9:30 to the gas station got gas and drove around with twin until 10:00 when she had to be home. went back to the shop til 11:20 back to twins to get my work clothes and cell charger.
came home watched 8mile. kyle made me noodles and i ate them with chop-sticks. mmmm.
now im here.
<3
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[14 Jul 2004|02:25am] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
] |
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music |
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vindicated - dashboard confessional |
] |
chris just said to me "welcome to the adult world" because of my problems. i just went on a rampage about how im sorry that my problems have been shit til now...
i hate when people treat me like i blow things out of proportion. fuck that.
im sorry that my problems dont meet the standards of yours!
i wont meet the standards of anything to you will I?
fuck you.
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[14 Jul 2004|01:34am] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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music |
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seether ft amy lee - broken |
] |
"I wanted you to know
I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph;
I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
`Cause I`m broken when I`m lonesome
And I don`t feel right when you`re gone away
you`ve gone away
You don`t feel me here, anymore
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There`s so much left to leeearn,
and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
`Cause I`m broken when I`m open
And I don`t feel like I am strong enough
`Cause I`m broken when I`m lonesome
And I don`t feel right when you`re gone away
`Cause I`m broken when Im open
And I don`t feel like I am strong enough
`Cause I`m broken when I`m lonesome
And I don`t feel light when you`re gone away"
Okay so today was well... yea.
I woke up, got donuts and went to twins. Mmm.
then missy called me... from fucking oakview!
and asked me to buy her some smokes and bring them to her, she overdosed... again.
I borrowed money from michelle and bought her some and took them to her.
*sighs*
they didnt let us see her.
which really upset me.
Why is she so unhappy! She overdosed last night, and i saw her in the morning and we had a great time!
I just wish i could "steal her pain" But i cant. I cant make her life good, i cant change the things that have hurt her. I cant take away her addictions. I can barely make her laugh anymore. and that hurts so fucking bad. shes done so fucking much for me! and i cant help her, it makes me feel worthless to her. shes such a comfort to me... just her face makes everything real again.
I took twin to danis and went to shower then back to danis. dani seemed upset by it.
i went to michelles to try and explain things. then to work.
walked in and my manager john looks at me and says "did someone die... are you okay?"
He is the most non-perseptive person on the planet, so for him to notice, was a big deal. I tried to get out of talking about it but josh and christine were there and kind of forced me to speak.
they just hugged me and josh kissed me and said itd be okay.
but will it be? when is she gonna be happy?
chris told me she'd come with twin and i tomorrow and just sit in the car. in case i couldnt drive home. which may be true, i dont know.
I worked til close and drove josh home. he got me smokes. <3. Ben left a note on my car on a napkin (its kind of our thing to do that) saying
Dont be sad.
<3 ben
I love him. what a doll.
sleeping over twins her dad told me i shouldnt wear hats... i look like a boy. thanks pops!
<3
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[13 Jul 2004|01:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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against my better judgement - further seems forever |
] |
"Didn't you know you were a saint, what a shameful fall from grace
But I'll catch you, I'll catch you
Everybody's waiting for that something they can hold onto
while tripping over our own words to self-dug graves for an excuse to fall
Becuase every failure's just as sweet as the last"
WHY CANT I BE LOVED. WHAT DID I DO SO FUCKING WRONG?
WHY AM I THE ONE TO BE TREATED SO HORRIBLY BY THE ONE I WAS IN LOVE WITH!? WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME?
"we were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it!"
I FUCKING LOVED YOU SO MUCH. SO MUCH... that it still hurts.
I read your letters last night and cried myself to sleep thinking about how you once loved me, and how easily i was replaced. i hope you're happy with your life, and we couldve been great. but its over now. forgive me for still loving you and still being hurt by this.
<3
drea
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[13 Jul 2004|01:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
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cynical |
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music |
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against my better judgement - further seems forever |
] |
and the dagger will go deeper...
just give it a little push.
its what ur good at.
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[13 Jul 2004|01:38am] |
woke up went to missys. then to get smokes.
back to her house for a bit, drove around called twin and picked her up.
woot.
went to adams then to my house, then took her home, went to chipotle for the mom and to pick her back up.
drove around, saw richard. and ben-o.
hung with ben matt and twin.
then ben and i went to teddys, then to dennys. where richard and chris met up with us.
they bought me smokes and i came home.
BT ditched me for his new girl. im sad.
he said wed go out at 8 then he said he couldnt cos he was going out with his fam. then said we could meet up after cos he didnt have plans.
and when i got ahold of him hes like im out with anna... ill call u back in a min.
yea right he didnt call.
i text him "call me when you have time for me."
the end.
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[12 Jul 2004|02:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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highly amused |
] |
98% of you wont read this, but i thought it was funny. so NAH
<3
EXplN My HeArt2U: i tried to save a big moth tonight cos the guys were picking on it, i was the only being nice to it and it attacked me... it was fucking huge!
ChyKunShyT 1985: it didn't attack you
ChyKunShyT 1985: prolly was attracted t you... ahem the light on you
ChyKunShyT 1985: that, or your clothes
EXplN My HeArt2U: lol
ChyKunShyT 1985: actually, in truth, moths don't eat clothes, and they don't exactly attack either
ChyKunShyT 1985: maybe flya ta your face
EXplN My HeArt2U: it did it flew at my face and was repeatively flying in my face
ChyKunShyT 1985: were you under a light?
EXplN My HeArt2U: we all were
ChyKunShyT 1985: were the guy wearing hats or tanned?
EXplN My HeArt2U: i was wearing a bandana they werent wearing anything
EXplN My HeArt2U: on their heads i mean
ChyKunShyT 1985: eh
ChyKunShyT 1985: chance
ChyKunShyT 1985: light reflections
ChyKunShyT 1985: moths are... interesting buggers
ChyKunShyT 1985: ..... ok, so the dork in me comes out
ChyKunShyT 1985: ..at night..
EXplN My HeArt2U: lol
EXplN My HeArt2U: u should be a moth
ChyKunShyT 1985: ?
ChyKunShyT 1985: that'd be an interesting light
ChyKunShyT 1985: ..
ChyKunShyT 1985: life
ChyKunShyT 1985: No, Tony! don't stare into the light!
ChyKunShyT 1985: NOOO!!!
ChyKunShyT 1985: *zap*
ChyKunShyT 1985: or something like that
EXplN My HeArt2U: lol tony... go to the 3rd blue light on the left....
EXplN My HeArt2U: the 2nd?
EXplN My HeArt2U: no the thir...... ZAP VIOLENT SCREAMS...rd.... too late
ChyKunShyT 1985: hehe
ChyKunShyT 1985: wanna know what's reallyI sad?
EXplN My HeArt2U: what?
ChyKunShyT 1985: years ago, like when I was 10
ChyKunShyT 1985: I actually studied ants
ChyKunShyT 1985: you'd more often then not find me in the yard, magnifying glass in hand, back and ass turned to the sky, lookin at them
ChyKunShyT 1985: did you know ants are almost all female?
ChyKunShyT 1985: the only males are the ones that breed
ChyKunShyT 1985: and they die shortly after
EXplN My HeArt2U: short but good life
ChyKunShyT 1985: something like that
ChyKunShyT 1985: those are the 'flying ants' everyone thinks are a different type
ChyKunShyT 1985: it's just a caste-thing
EXplN My HeArt2U: ah
ChyKunShyT 1985: ants also have two stomachs... one for themselves, and one tol hold 'leftovers' which the share with the rest of the colony
EXplN My HeArt2U: ew
ChyKunShyT 1985: man, why can't humans build a society in a similar fashion?
ChyKunShyT 1985: socialism
ChyKunShyT 1985: it works for them
EXplN My HeArt2U: cos humans are greedy... and ud look funny with 2 stomachs
ChyKunShyT 1985: but greed comes into play..
ChyKunShyT 1985: nah
ChyKunShyT 1985: it's on the inside
ChyKunShyT 1985: lol
EXplN My HeArt2U: lol u know the skinny hoes would try to kill themselves with eating disorders
ChyKunShyT 1985: .... lol
ChyKunShyT 1985: they'd fail miserably
EXplN My HeArt2U: lol cos the other ones would share their stomachs
ChyKunShyT 1985: something like that
ChyKunShyT 1985: and my stomach would be in my ass as opposed to my mid section
EXplN My HeArt2U: lol
EXplN My HeArt2U: ud be dead
EXplN My HeArt2U: damn breeders
ChyKunShyT 1985: lol
ChyKunShyT 1985: NOOO!
EXplN My HeArt2U: just fuck the hoe and leave
EXplN My HeArt2U: leave her with a whole colony to support on her own
EXplN My HeArt2U: lol
ChyKunShyT 1985: ugh... ugh.... uhhhhh- uhhh uhhhhh-YEA-YEAH-YEAHHHHHHHHHH~*gurgle* ack! *flops over dead*
EXplN My HeArt2U: haha
ChyKunShyT 1985: actually, that's how it works
EXplN My HeArt2U: i can see it now "tony.... its like you arent even trying... come on... move a little... ur feel like ur dea...... *looks down*...d.... oh!"
ChyKunShyT 1985: they fuck in the air (wouldn't THAT be cool?) , land, eat their own wings, their ass gets huge, and they go find a good spot to burrow
ChyKunShyT 1985: ...and lay eggs
ChyKunShyT 1985: ...for the rest of their lives
EXplN My HeArt2U: thats why they make small airplace potties... so that doesnt happen
ChyKunShyT 1985: lol
EXplN My HeArt2U: airplane*
EXplN My HeArt2U: lol im glad ur amused
ChyKunShyT 1985: it still does
EXplN My HeArt2U: i know... but only thin people like you.... with thin hoes... can pull that off
ChyKunShyT 1985: ..
ChyKunShyT 1985: lol
ChyKunShyT 1985: I'm gifted
EXplN My HeArt2U: my chubby ass hardly fits by myself
EXplN My HeArt2U: let alone with some guy with 8inches
ChyKunShyT 1985: hey, there's nothing wrong with that ass of yours
EXplN My HeArt2U: thanks for noticing? *looks confused* lol
ChyKunShyT 1985: you n kerry are so.... too obsessed w/ weight
EXplN My HeArt2U: no im not
ChyKunShyT 1985: true
EXplN My HeArt2U: im still eating arent i?
ChyKunShyT 1985: ... she isn't?
EXplN My HeArt2U: okay... were still eating arent we?
EXplN My HeArt2U: yes she is
EXplN My HeArt2U: when we talk about being "fat" were 1/2 kidding... wed rather be bigger then skinny
ChyKunShyT 1985: ....
ChyKunShyT 1985: am I supposed.. to feel insulted?
ChyKunShyT 1985: lol
EXplN My HeArt2U: .... dont know? do u feel insulted? lol
ChyKunShyT 1985: actually, I agree w/ your philosophy
ChyKunShyT 1985: at least, from the male end
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[12 Jul 2004|01:10am] |
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mood |
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unhappy kind of |
] |
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music |
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cigarette song - all american rejects |
] |
sorry its been a long time since an update... ive protestes LJ since it deleted my LONG ass entry.
quick update
saw fireworks on the 4th and 5th
went go-karting with twin, andy, zach, marie, and jake. that rocked.
bowling tonight.
osyrus/darling waste concert last night. good late night at dennys with michelle and ben, slept at michelles.
got out of mulching the yard.
BT seemed angry and upset with me last night at dennys. i tried to brush it off when he kind of fled without a some what conversation. but i ran after him and was like what the hell.
then just said screw it.
went and saw him at the shop tonight. i miss never seeing him. i love that boy too death but he just seems to not have time for me anymore.
which is understandable but that doesnt make it any less hurtful.
*sighs*
I was supposed to sleep at twins, parents tweaked as always. *rolls eyes*
then i tried for the twin & missy to stay here.... didnt happen. but rick can have kyle over every fucking night.
hes not even home yet.
whatever.
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[06 Jul 2004|01:02am] |
Take the quiz: "What Disney Princess Are You?"
Snow White
Your evil step-mum tried to kill you and now you live with 7 men...lucky girl.
(c) XXX_Kitty_XXX
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[04 Jul 2004|12:45am] |
i feel like i want to talk to chris.
CHRIS COME HOME AND TALK TO ME!
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[04 Jul 2004|12:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
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alone |
] |
| [ |
music |
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kelly song |
] |
I hate being infatuated with being in love.
Let it go...
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[04 Jul 2004|12:31am] |
I love my son.
EXplN My HeArt2U: hello marshmallow
Misfit10388: MOM!!!!
EXplN My HeArt2U: :)
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[04 Jul 2004|12:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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kelly song |
] |
But she's not being her, but anyway
A second chance means nothing,
'Cause nothing's learned from past mistakes
And I'm sure we felt the weight, the weight
And three whole years fall on deaf ears
I'm in no place for solitaire
Three whole years fall on deaf ears
If you can't understand our fears, it's not fair to me
Last night steve came over around 1:00 and we sat in his car and talked. hes upset right now. his boy isnt treating him right. poor steve. so we talked about his boy problem and bullshitted and caught up on time weve missed.
went to bed then woke up at 8:56... i drove to chipotle in 2 mins. no joke. i was flying.
worked til 4. bought some smokes and then came home.
lounged around took a shower and went out around 6:45.
went and saw twin at applebees with shannon and schmem.
went to andys grad party. I met a guy there named zack from brunswick. he knows a bunch of the peoples i hang with.
I stole katie and we went to her house to get aqua teen. then back. then stole scoot and zack and went to giant eagle to get andy a funny grad card.
went to missys and had deep conversation with her. twin was there. missys bro matt who i havent seen in forever... he gave me a big hug a kiss and rambled drunkly about how much he missed me and how i have to come out to wadsworth soon.
joelle was there. enough said about that. I was told that missy didnt want her there and that she invited herself. sort of rude you could say.
went back to andys. then went to taco bell then came home. here i am. woot.
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[03 Jul 2004|12:34am] |
ChyKunShyT 1985: hey, long time no see
EXplN My HeArt2U: haha hey sorry i didnt give u a hug
ChyKunShyT 1985: yeah, y'know?
EXplN My HeArt2U: i meant to, and then i forgot cause i was late, and i wouldve came back in had i not been late
ChyKunShyT 1985: I was feeling all lonely
EXplN My HeArt2U: I LOVE U TONY
ChyKunShyT 1985: lol
ChyKunShyT 1985: I love you too,Drea
EXplN My HeArt2U: woot.
Tony amuses me. funny boy.
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